The Rain Effect

I gathered the essentials in my little bag: sunglasses, water, magazine, phone, snack, pen and paper. I dodged the dogs and headed to my spot. I went down the steps of the deck slowly, and got the seat cushion out of storage so I could soak up some sun. I didn't put up the umbrella because when I look up I get dizzy. It actually is a funny sight watching me try to put the umbrella up. I try to put the pin in the hole before I fall over. It's like a game. And, since I'm not quite tall enough, I have to stand on the uneven sloped umbrella stand which makes it even more of a challenge. Then, I get to laughing at myself which makes matters worse. So, hence, I left the umbrella as it was.

I read for a bit then curled up, got super comfortable and started to doze. At precisely that moment, the threatening gray clouds moved between me and the sun and dropped a teasing drip here and there. It was just enough to make me have to decide to either stay or go back inside. I opted to stay. As the drips became steadier, I put the cushion away, and took cover on my canopied swing. I stretched out across the swing so that nothing would get wet. Then I just watched the rain.

It got increasingly heavier and I sat hoping that the wind wouldn't shift. I watched as water filled the cracks between the brick pavers. I listened to the drops hit the leaves on the trees. I truly enjoyed sitting out there being able to watch the rain at such a close vantage point. When the rain stopped a few minutes later, I was disappointed.

I normally wish for sun, but today, I'm glad it rained.

I am grateful for: the rain, my swing, and God.

Thought Control

As I wallowed in self pity today, it became clear to me that I was in serious need of thought control. I was allowing all of the negative thoughts associated with my maladies to infiltrate my brain. And, they were spreading their tentacles to my feet, my hands, my eating, and to my attitude. I was very grumpy today. Everything felt awful to the point that I skipped going to a party that I was looking forward to.

However, it's one thing to know that you have to change your thought, and an entirely other thing to know how and what to do to change thought. At first I tried to just lie still and think good things. That was ok for about five seconds. Then, affirmations came to mind. I wrote out eight affirmations. Things like "I feel healthy" and "I have loads of energy". Then, I typed each one of them twenty times while saying them out loud. My mood definitely changed.

I also made sure that I didn't skip my meditations this evening. I believe that has a lot to do with good thoughts.

Today I appreciate: quiet time, Steve, and my brother.

At my wits end

I've been dealing with abdominal pain for a few weeks. It isn't constant, but it is annoying and can get pretty bad. I mean I couldn't even shop for shoes. I had to leave the store. How awful!

So, on Monday, one of my doctors told me the cramps were due to lack of food and calories. This surprised me because although I don't eat a lot, I do eat something for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Could I really be that depleted?

So today I thought I did ok drinking water and eating, but then I got sick after dinner. Now what? It is hard enough finding things that I want to eat, and to have it not stay down is frustrating. Fortunately, right after I get sick is my prime time to eat something, so I did. I ate bran muffins.

Do I need to see a gastroenterologist? I'm not even sure what they do. I'm not exactly sure what to do next. I really don't want another doctor, but this is ridiculous. It feels like I am caught in a vicious cycle and I can't get out.

I am grateful for: my kids, sunny days, my computer.